It's Friday. Sex?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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