There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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