You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
