Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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