What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
