Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
