What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
