Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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