thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
