my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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