just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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