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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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