She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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