I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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