there was a trapeze. enough said
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
