omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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