Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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