we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
