Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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