you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
