the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
