well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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