What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
