4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Operation Purity has been aborted
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
