Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
