i can't believe i had my finger in that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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