I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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