If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
