Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
40s are totally the cure
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
