I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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