Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My life is pants optional.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
