I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
