Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
