Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He has the fingertips of a God
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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