i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
