what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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