No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
