belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
grandma shit on top of the toilet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
