First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
