Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
