I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
