He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
