I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
