how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
