What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
