I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
