either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
