I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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