You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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