Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
