Non-Jews are for practice
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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