you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I know her cup size but not her name....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
